How to Give Your Man the Best Blowjob He's Ever Had
part two: A discussion of technique
by Elvis Little
(If you haven't read part one yet, you really
oughta. It's my favorite part. -- E.L.)
There is a peculiar uncertainty principle regarding the subjective analysis
of a blowjob that makes discussion of technique especially problematic.
That principle is as follows: The ability of a man to accurately and
completely analyze the causation of a sexual stimulus is inversely
proportional to the power of that stimulus. Or in other words, the better
it makes you feel, the less capable you are of paying attention to what
exactly it is that is making you feel so good.
So, rather than getting too specific into technique (and what techniques
are best varies from man to man anyway), I will just share some things I
have learned, including general observations I have picked up from time to
time as I go.
Probably the best way to learn the details of technique is just to practice
frequently and with as many men as you are comfortable practicing with.
Pay close attention to the feedback you are receiving from them (moans,
gasps, body motions), and encourage accurate feedback. A man may,
for some reason, be giving feedback which is unrelated to his actual
feelings. He may be stifling expression out of embarrassment or shyness,
or he may be exaggerating his pleasure as a way of thanking or
complementing you. Do what you can to show your lover that you value his
accurate, natural feedback. Then vary your technique all over the map, and
see where the oases of paradise lie.
There is a caveat here, however. It is possible to stimulate a man in such
a way that is irritating, he may call it "too good" or "too sensitive."
This is not a subtle way of saying "you've found the right spot!" It
should be taken literally as a thing to be avoided. In the same way that
french fries taste good with a little salt on them, but pouring a
shaker-full of salt on your fry won't make it better than good, "too
sensitive" isn't better than "sensitive." The reason I bring this up at
this point is that if for some reason your lover is shy about discussing
sex, or is habitually incommunicado during sex-play, the gasps and body
spasms that accompany these "too sensitive" touchings may mimic the gasps
and body spasms you are trying to discover. So be aware.
The topics I'd like to introduce in this discussion of technique are:
- Suction, teeth, and other mechanical details
- The Hand
- The perineum
- Anal play
- Chemical assistance
He will curse you, but thank you later, if you visit most of his body with
your tongue, stopping occasionally, but only briefly, at his penis, biting
his nipples, kissing his inner thighs, taking one testicle at a time into
your mouth, building up anticipation for a while before plunging into a
full-bore oral assault.
I do not know why this is, only that it is so. Building anticipation
(similar to, but distinct from teasing) is an important element in The Best
It is possible to carry this too far. In the "blue balls" phenomenon, the
man has had an erection for so long that his penis actually aches, and the
ceiling of possible pleasure falls to a point where even the best technique
will only result in a merely satisfactory orgasm. It is not too hard to
find a middle ground. The amount of time necessary to build anticipation
really isn't all that much, whereas the time required for "blue balls" to
set in is fairly long.
SUCTION, TEETH, AND OTHER MECHANICAL DETAILS
You know by now, I'm sure, that there isn't much "blowing" involved in a
blowjob, but you may be unsure as to how much "sucking" is needed to suck
someone off. Is there really suction involved, or is the pressure of lips
and tongue enough to do the job?
Suction is not necessary, but can be an enhancement if done well (and this
is just a knack). If suction is used well, a larger surface area of the
penis comes into contact with a larger surface area of the mouth, cheeks
and tongue and with more pressure, which can be a Good Thing. If you can
suck the cheeks in so far as to create a buffer to keep the teeth away from
the penis, so much the better.
It is hard to give a blowjob without your teeth coming in contact with his
erection, but this is the ideal. A small amount of contact, incidental
contact, is no foul, and no flag is thrown, but a lot of teeth is so
distracting as to make the whole enterprise not worth the trouble.
Try different positions and locations to find the one which allows you to
take as much of the erection in your mouth as you can without it rubbing
against your teeth. It may take a few tries to find the position that's
best for you, but I bet he won't complain that you want to experiment
A position is best if it allows your tongue to rest against the underside
of the penis (the side away from the body when the penis is erect). Where
the glans comes together into a cleft on this side is perhaps the most
sensitive part of the penis (another nominee is the nearby piss-slit, or
urethral opening), and is a part that should be most thoroughly tongued
during oral sex.
The majority of your blowjob should probably involve licking the head of
the penis while it is in your mouth, and bobbing your mouth up and down on
the upper couple of inches of the penis, but varying this with
"deep-throating" the penis and with removing the penis from your mouth
altogether to use your tongue all over the head and shaft can be nice.
Should the hand be used? This is a tough one. It is a trade-off between
quality and frequency of fellated orgasm. It can be very difficult to
bring a man to orgasm with your mouth. It usually takes much longer than
intercourse or hand-jobs. And for many people, the endurance, and the
ability to keep your mouth open that long, is wanting.
A compromise is to keep the mouth bobbing just on the head of the penis,
while performing a hand-job with the hand somewhat lower on the base of the
penis than normal (so you do not club yourself in the lips on the
up-swing). This gives the wonderful pleasure of having the head of the
penis in the mouth, while at the same time making it easier on the person
giving the blow-job by not requiring so much depth of oral penetration and
by speeding orgasm.
While this is certainly fine and dandy on occasion, and is very much
recommended, it is not really a blowjob. It is not the summoning of an
orgasm orally, but the augmentation of a hand-job with oral stimulation.
Not really in the same ballpark.
So should you use your hand? Yes, of course, if you both enjoy it. But
not if you're trying to give your man the best blowjob he's ever had.
You may have noticed that there is a great deal said when the topic of
blowjobs is raised about "swallowing." Some people do, some people don't.
The ones that do are usually preferred, or at least especially
"Swallowing" is actually a misnomer. Just as "blowjobs" don't have much to
do with "blowing," "swallowing" isn't really about gulping a load of semen
down your throat. It's a code word. When you are asked "do you swallow?"
what it really means is, "will you continue to perform oral sex on me while
I ejaculate, or will you remove your mouth at that point?" Whether you
swallow or spit after you get a mouthful of jizm is a non-issue.
There are two reasons why this is a concern. First and most obviously, if
you have been bringing a man to orgasm with your mouth, having the source
of that pleasurable sensation removed at the height of orgasm is a bit of a
letdown, and replacing the gentle, warm wet sucking with a last-minute hand
job is a poor substitute (poor being a relative term here).
Secondly, if you are a "non-swallower," the man will generally feel
obligated to warn you after he has passed the point of ejaculatory
inevitability as a courtesy to you to allow you to remove your face from
the impact zone in time. But for the man to set up a monitor in his mind
for this purpose means that he cannot become fully immersed in the blowjob,
but must remain partially apart from it, watching objectively, ready to
wave the warning flag. This, too, detracts from the experience.
The perineum deserves a footnote here, as it is surprisingly underutilized.
It is the ridge of flesh between the anus and the scrotum. It represents a
continuation of the tubes which make up the penis and are engorged with
blood during erection.
Pressure applied to the perineum during an erection will cause an effect
similar to squeezing the middle of a balloon -- the rest of the balloon
will inflate larger. Similarly, when the perineum is pressed, blood will
push into the rest of the penis, causing the glans (head) to grow larger
and more nerve endings in it to be exposed to your tongue. Get the
Note that simply holding pressure on the perineum won't do the trick.
Pressure must be applied, then released, the applied again and so on. Note
also that if you have long fingernails, you should not use your fingertips
to do the pressing!
I have come across (in, and upon) few people who do not appreciate having a
tongue deep in their asshole, and I'm no exception. Unfortunately, there
is a fairly huge taboo about the anus which keeps many people from
exploring the pleasure to be reaped from this part of the body.
Anal penetration (by dildo, finger, or penis, if you're flexible and male)
is a welcome addition to many a blowjob, and rimming (oral-anal contact,
analingus) can be positively delightful and should be considered as an
element in The Best Blowjob He's Ever Had. If you're squeamish about
rimming, give him a thorough soap-and water washing, and maybe try a dab of
honey to make the taste especially pleasant.
One possible effect of anal penetration is stimulation of the prostate
gland. This gland is found just forward (toward the belly) of the rectum, a
few inches in. This can be somewhat pleasurable on its own, or even
somewhat uncomfortable, but in any case tends to increase the power (and
the fluid output) of the orgasm.
Some people swear by the psychedelics -- others say MDMA (extasy) is just
the thing. Poppers (amyl nitrate
and related substances) have their cheerleaders, too. My most enthusiastic
recommendation is for marijuana. This is not
an aphrodisiac in the sense of a drug that awakens sexual desire where it
does not exist, or promotes erection where erection is wanting, but
marijuana is a drug which enhances the sexual
experience, metaphorically turning a sandwich into a manwich.
Of course, marijuana affects different
people differently, and the side effects (which may include drowsiness,
enlightenment, or imprisonment) may detract in their own way from the
sexual experience. Nonetheless, if you haven't tried it, I strongly
recommend a little experimentation. Both the giver and receiver can
benefit from its effects.