I am a popular commodity among some people I know; I am the only one who knows how to roll a joint. Now this is because I tend to be older than most of the people who smoke dope around me and have a bit more intense life lessons than others.

I like rolling joints. It is a very viscereal pleasure; you get to play with the nifty green stuff and it gives your hands something to do. This is especially nice if you don't wanna get really stoned but just catch a nice buzz and instead of keeping your hands busy smoking you keep 'em busy rolling.

I like that green stuff. It's cool, kinda like oregano or some other green bulk spice but you know it aint. It has the smell -- strange how so many people don't groove to it -- ahh well-learned response, like appreciating good scotch. It reminds me of harvest day, right after the fruit has been reaped and the oils and esthers fill the air. Very good green homey feel to it. Then you get into carding the stuff to take out the seeds and stems and to break it down so it will roll effectively. It has to feel right, a bit drier than the best feel, where it is so sticky with resin that all you can do is load it into a bowl and do bong hits until your brain goes numb.

You gotta decide how fine you are gonna sift the shake. I know some who remove everything until nothing is left but a fine red dust. I don't like that, it takes too long, and casues too many volatiles to be released as you card it, and makes really lousy joints that pack too tightly and don't draw worth shit. We all roll joints to match our personality, my joints tend to have stuff in them that shouldn't be there, leave things on the tray that should be, double paper walled, kinda fat in the middle, nice where it meets the mouth, and fulla garbage that gets burnt.

Once you got the grass ready you them have to get your papers in order. The way I learned to make a joint was to make a boat out of the paper. Take the paper in you hand so that the gummed side is up and the crease is away from you, the short sides are called edges and the long sides are called sides. You fold the end towards the side, each in turn. First you take the left edge and you fold it about the top corner of that edge, bringing the lower corner up to where it meets the top side and the edge is perfectly in line with the side. Then you do the same thing about the bottom corner, and then you do it for each of the other corners on the other side. You have to make sure all the creases are away from you, then, from where the two bisectors meet on out to the edge you fold against the crease, you fold in the same place but in the other direction of the original crease.

You do that with each edge and you get a little paper boat into which you can shift your sift. After having thoughly raked the herb you wind up with a little mound of grass, how big depends on how strong the grass is, how big the papers are, and how stoned you wanna get. I usually use a bit more than would fill a large bowl. You pick the grass up between your fingers and dust it into the paper boat. Try to get it even but don't worry about it you can fix it. Towards the bottom of the mound you run into stuff too fine pick up with your fingers, I consider it a point of grace to card once, and once only, it back into a smaller mound and then try to get at least one good pinch or two from it and let the rest of the shit go back into the baggie until one is scraping for anything green that burns. As you load the paper you are gonna spill dust, just let it go. Make sure you load over the tray and you will either get it with the cleanup card or smoke it some other time.

Now you take your boat full of dope and begin leveling it. Stir it about with your finger to balance as much as possible and then you will begin rolling it. Make sure the gummed side is away from you if there is one. You roll it to settle the grass and get it even, and ya try to get it to spread out towards the edges. This is where people who use doller bills use them, I always thought it was too much hassle to fuck with. Once you have it spread to suit your desires you then have to roll the paper up into a joint. This is the tricky part. I always try to finish rolling it so that it is very near the ungummed edge and then to just fold that over and roll it up. Try to get it a bit tighter than you wanna some cause it will loosen as you roll it up. Just before your finished you have to lick the gum. The best I ever saw anyone do that was this little oriental girl I knew who had the most pointed tounge that was always moist. She had absolute control over her tounge, she could make it do things that would give you an orgasm just watching the movements. I being who I am tend to either slobber a bit too much or not get enough on there, it could be better but it works. You finish rolling it up and and then you gotta close the sides.

The best way I have found to close the sides is to just roll one end and figure what gets caught gets caught and turn it so the other end is upright and then use a small poker to pull out things which stick out and push in the stuff that needs to go inside. Roll the ends counter to each other and lick to close. I got friends that stick half the damned joint in thier mouths, and others who just touch it to their tounge. I am undecided, the wetter it gets the better the joint is but it just grates my aesthetics. Let it dry and you gotta joint. I tend to double wrap mine, by rolling that joint in another, it strengthens that fragile middle section and generally keeps a tight, nice looking joint. I also tend to tear off that messy end, the one that caught what got caught, to suck on, and use the flashy paper tail to light it.

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