Adolescent Insanity

This is why kids shouldn't trip

Substances: Marijuana, Psilocybe cubensis, Peganum harmala

You must note that it was just *starting* to get HEAVY, and this sort of trip is well, shall we say, waaaaaay too heavy for a 120 pound 14 yr old boy to enjoy-or even his 15 yr old comrade...but in the end, it's benificial!

We stumbled towards the beach area of the river, and laid down in the grass. I began to go through my pockets. I found a pack of cigarettes, a wallet full of money I made that day selling mushrooms at school, a ten chunk of skunk, etc and I thought"..money...smokes...weed... what more could we want?!"...then I said "we should go swimming or something..". Then I stared up at the sky. I saw a VERY Jerry Garcia like image grinning from the clouds. This was a DMT quality hallucinatins. I wondered "is it god? WTF is it?". My comrade stood up, and he felt a pain in his guts(the harmala), and legs (?). It felt like elastic bands around our thighs. We thought it would be best to go further down the river, and maybe see some of our friends.

We were *FUCKED* at this point...it was beginning to be a dream-like state....I tried to walk up the muddy-ish grass to the walkway but slid on the mud with my hands and knees, and was beginning to feel a feeling of dispair almost. I was tripping so hard that I walked like I was pissed. I sat down there in the muddy grass...total sensory overload. My friend was getting impatient, and was in a similar state to me "Come on! I'd really feel alot better if you'd just get up and come with me! Fine! I'm gonna leave now! Fuck you!". We were too fucked up to make any rational decisions. I sat there crouching, and put my face between my knees. The natural environment and the drugs were alot to handle. Notice how I can't distinctly describe any hallucinations...I was too fucked up. I began to think about life seriously, and what I had become. I sat there for maybe an hour. People were coming down on acid and other such drugs, and were pretty worried about me. My glasses were off my face and on the ground. Two sober friends of mine who were going to get drunk were commenting... "You don't look too good man...." "Do you want to talk about it?" "Do you want us to just leave you alone?"...it wasn't really worth talking to me, I couldn't exactly respond. A friend asked if I could stand up. I couldn't. He carried me further down the river in his arms so that noone from the public would see me, change dropping out of my pockets and onto the ground. I would try standing up, and walking but it didn't help. I felt like I was going to puke. I think I did, but I don't remember. "Am I.. going to die tonight..?" I asked aloud. Memories of my sucide attempt 2 years before were flashing back vividly. You see, I attempted suicide sitting on that same riverbank, swallowing a pile of diphenhydramine, going delirious. IT helped when people got me talking, even though I was just talking gibberish..almost. After awhile, I felt as if it was the following morning, like the sun was rising again. But it was merely dusk. I got up, and felt I should go home. I took the 1 1/2 hour walk home, stopping in front of a high school, lieing down on the ground. Someone in a car stopped and asked if I was ok, or if I needed a ride somewhere. I guess it was better that I didn't accept. I began walking again. I laid down behind a drug treatment center (REALLY) for a hour. Maybe two hours. Trying to fall asleep thinking I would get up and go home the next morning. This was intense. I didn't know whether to go home, tell my mom what I was on and hope she would comfort me, or just yell at me to fuck. She usually does the latter... It was really intense. The auditories were so loud, so REALer than reality itself... spaceships going by my head...chainsaws...it was insanity. I walked by my house, seeing a car infront of it made me think..."my mom definitely has company over", and I am glad I didn't go in trying to act sober.... I walked around the block. I thought I better just try walking back to find my friends again, they'll help me. It was dark now. I walked back through alleys, and twisting streets, and even went up to some stranger and had a conversation. I'm sure she knew how blitzed I was and probably felt very sorry for me... I ended up getting lost in a neighborhood I am usually familiar with, and made the mistake of asking some guy on his front lawn for directions, and he said "Fuck off!" and I said "Sorry...I'm on mushrooms" and walked off. Uh-oh...these were drunk jocks. As I walked off, three drunk jocksran up to me holding beers and said "Hey! Fucking mushroom man! What the fuck were you doing man!?!?!" they held me up against a school fence, choking me, when some girls came from the party and told them to leave me alone. They were all "Are you all right? Your hands are really cold...are you lost etc" and I kept saying "I'm sorry I made your friends angry...I'm really, really sorry.." and tears were swelling in my eyes..the compassion they gave me was the first of it's kind all night. They directed me to the main street, and I told them my friends were there, and I was trying to find them. I was reallllllllllly scared by that.... I finally got back on the main street and got close to the river when I realized the jocks took my cigarettes, "fuck". I began to see people I knew, and told them what all had happened, they were all "holy shit". I finally got back to the river, and my hallucinations had calmed down to the point where I could make out people (they used to seem like total blurs of neon color)again, and interact a bit with others. People were amazed at the journey I had had, and were glad that I was ok... We smoked buds, but it didn't even make me feel high! It was a weird night....Well, we started a fire and sat there for the rest of the night, talking about all sorts of things. I ended up sleeping at a friend's house, which was good too, because it was pretty cold out.

wow...this is a long trip report...but it's at least a vivid description. Harmaline and mushrooms can be extremely intense and vivid, to the point where you are not having fun at all. Build up to a high dose, but don't jump into it. I've had many good harmaline/mushrooms, harmaline/LSD, and even harmaline/DMT, but you have to take a dose that is right for you, or else you might go through total misery. I am totally glad that I had the journey though, I gained a COMPLETE new respect for these shamanic and mystical psychedelics, one that I never had before. And there is nother more important in the world than wisdom gained from a psychedelic journey, and that, in the end, is the TRUE determining factor of what is, in my mind, a good and worthwile, or a bad and meaningless trip.