Contact

with an enlightening mushroom spirit

Substances: Psilocybe cubensis

I was on the computer, talking to people on the Internet, and I ate some mushrooms... about a gram or so. Around midnight, they began to kick in. About 1AM, it got weird. For the first hour or so, it seemed like it would be a very dull trip, like alot of others I've had. But then I began to feel this strange presence. Its very difficult to describe. It was a definately female presence, full of love, beauty & wisdom. It was a feeling of being looked over - a very protected feeling, very calming. I couldn't see her, it was only a feeling of her presence. I was still on the computer, talking to people. But the presence was still there, growing stronger. I began to feel the need to turn around, but I was a little nervous at first, like if I turned around, nothing would be there, which would've been very disappointing.

I did turn around though, and nothing was there. But then I closed my eyes and layed down in the dark room, and it was the biggest, most somethinged nothing I've ever experienced. No words, at least not any meaningful ones, and no real images. But words and images would have only been a distraction. I felt her, very strongly now. It was as if she was holding me, and we communicated in a way unhampered by symbols. I felt an overwhelming loving peace. I don't know how long I layed there, maybe 5 minutes, maybe 30. It doesn't matter, time was irrelevant. I was experiencing infinity.

After a while, I sat up and returned to the computer. I talked to people for a while, then wrote this at 1:36AM (now the 7th):

"She is with me now... I can't explain who she is. She is me, in a way, and she is you, and she is everyone and everything else. She is love. She is beauty. She is truth. She is soft and warm. I can't see her, but that only adds to her beauty. There are no words to describe her. When I am afraid, she comforts me. When I am ignorant, she teaches me. She carries me when I can't walk, and she holds my hand in silent companionship when I can. There are no words between us, words are so pointless with her. She is wife, mother, daughter and sister. She is my true companion. She is Spirit. My love for her is beyond words. I feel like she is with me always. I feel like she is with all of us, always, and her love is beyond any description. I feel now that I know her, nothing will ever be the same. The love that she is is a love that I should spread, and it will color every aspect of my life from now on. Whatever happens, she will never leave my side. I feel total peace. Pure love. I want to spread the love she feels for me. I don't know what else to say. She is love."

Laying in bed, I felt the presence of the "woman" very strongly. But it was different now. My mind flooded with images, rapidly changing. She was in many of them, teaching me both with words and without. She wore the faces of many women I have known, girls that I've been infatuated with, an old hag, anonymous faces from the depths of my subconscious. She was all of them, but at the same time she was not them; she was all female archetypes simultaneously. Sophia, the whore, the virgin, the mother, the child, the Anima, the soul. Ultimately, she was also me.

She was a symbol; a symbol of the All, of God, of the bond between all things. She is love.

Eventually, I drifted off to sleep. I had a very bizzarre dream. I dreamt I went back to the Sizzler restaurant I worked at in Fort Lauderdale, for no apparant reason - only, it had changed, in the strange ways places can change in dreams. It was now a very fancy restaurant with dim lights. The waitresses were all different... I became friends with one (the presence again?). The kitchen was larger and more modern than in reality, and the back door discongruously led to a Third World village of sheet metal shacks, laundry drying on wires strung from sticks. In the foyer of the restaurant, which was on the east (in reality, its on the north wall), there were four or five dogs of different breeds, small and medium in size. The restaurant employees, many of whom seemed slightly hostile or arrogant towards me, wouldn't let them in, so I opened the inner door and let them in myself. Somehow, that made things seem right.

I woke up around 11AM feeling very good. Refreshed; better than I've ever felt, in fact. A calm, peaceful joy. I saw a bumper sticker the other day - "Perform Random Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty." That's what I want to do.