De-eMpTy me

like a child in a new world of discovery

Substances: DMT

First let me say that DMT is MUUCCH more enjoyable than 5MeO. One truly is the POWER (5MeO) and the other the GLORY (DMT). With 5MeO I can barely hold on, or even want to, and one big hit is all I need to sent me out of myself, into the all-place of pain/pleasure, everything/nothing. It is a sad place, one of loneliness and void.. the knowledge that we are ultimately alone in the universe because our individuality is really so artificial, so illusory. It is somewhat comforting that all my friends are in that place too, but even my sweet RY has no special relationship to me there.

THE ROUND TRYP

So anyway, the first hit and I heard the hum, the buzz that some describe as elfin chatter. The second hit I was really vibrating, but I wasn't fucking around. The smoke is VEERRY harsh.. worse than anything I have ever experienced. It takes sheer will to take big enough hits to break through. The third hit then I pushed the pipe away.

The rush was similar to that of 5MeO but seemed gentler, perhaps because it took more hits to get there and so the ride up was somewhat more gradual. All was chaos for an instant.. swirling colors and patterns... I don't remember much about the first seconds, other than there seemed to be an orderly matrix within the chaos. Then my lovely S.O. [with whom, incidentally, I had a heartwrenching discussion earlier in the evening which almost prevented my voyage... still believe is sometimes takes an "argument" with deep feeling to get to the bottom of differential sameness. Like what is Love to her and to me?] reminded me "your breath controls your reality."

That's all I needed. Everything stabilized out. Let me tell you Eyes Open is the way to go on this one! It was the most beautifully subtle thing I've ever seen in my life! Nothing I had read or even read now comes close to describing the experience. Much of it I probably owe to the setting... talking about life paths, the India santoor (dulcimer) CD, the fire in the hearth, and the Wonderful manuscript "The Luria Transform" (it's amazing!!)...

The first word in my head was Tibetan. My honey was this Bodhisattva as I had seen her one night at Burning Man. But as I looked it all changed. I saw the Heisenberg Uncertainty principle happen before my eyes. As I Observed, it changed. I couldn't put my finger on anything. I just had to flow and go. Her form was the center of my attention and of the trip. I saw her face change over eons of human evoltion. I saw the inbreeding of the hominid forms from the lowly monkey Australopithecine to the Homo forms to the Homo sapiens and beyond. I saw the thick brow ridge and the protruding jaw. I saw how the inbreeding over millions of years homogenized the hominids into what we see as "human" today. The beings I saw superimposed on her face were very monkey-like at first. The cranial changes allowed a wealth of facial expression which I had not deemed imaginable. I understood that this was what came before spoken language... it was these facial expressions.. so renowned in chimpanzee behavior today.. that helped us communicate.

I also felt a strong component of the gestural and body language. I understood that the gods or the metaprograms chose the hominid form because it allowed for so many possibilities for expression. Eventually these hominids learned to stand upright and use their limbs even more [incidentally I understood 2 days later why the Elephant man is such a powerful symbol... often depicted with at least 4 arms, his trunk is another limb of expression and meaning]. Now we have the multitudinous forms of yogic expression and tantra, the ultimate expression of connection. All I wanted to do was hold her in my arms and legs and caress her face.

"It's so wonderful, beautiful, precious." Truly the GLORY. I did not truly understand the meanings of 'precious' and 'beauty' until now.

I also had thoughts about sameness/homogeneity and diversity. From my classes in physical anthropology and human origins I knew that the human physical forms and racial differences are a result of periodic population isolations and inbreeding (usually as a result of environmental factors such as glaciation) followed by periods of population mixing and gene flow. I realized that the way of human progress now is for more mixing. Eventually I think we are moving towards more inbreeding within the 'races' (I am already a "mutt") till we all "look alike" and there is no racial fear of difference. I have been called Italian, Spanish, and Mexican. I am none of these things, but I blend in.. I don't make many nervous becuase I am "different." But then in another place such as Africa I would be. My S.O. is 100% Korean. The Asians have a very interesting lot in life since in some strange way they all "look alike." Even Asians often cannot tell if another Asian is of the same stock. "We all look alike".... why do we have to see our differences when we can see our sameness-es?

I let out a deep belly laugh at the ludicrousness and pure wonder of it all. I felt like a child in a new world of discovery. Laughter is the best Medicine for re-aligning the chakras and increasing the flow of Chi.

THE NEXT DAY

My dreams were very vivid that night and I distinctly remember a dream of flying or floating down a long staircase. That morning my S.O. took her tryp. Having had an annoyingly persistent cold for several weeks, I thought it might be difficult for her to take in enough of the very harsh smoke. It was. She took several smaller hits over 10 or 20 minutes. She never got the full breakthrough, but a couple of times she vomited. I sensed that she was purging the sickness and told her so. This apparently often happens with ayahuasca. Her experience was her own, so I will not address it here, but you'll be happy to know that it cured the sickness.

She could not finish what was left in the pipe so I took it, not expecting to get enough. I got about one and a half good tokes, probably 25 mg or so. I definitely "got there" since my threshold was lowered from having "been there" the night before and just wakened from the DreamTime. This time is was somewhat less intense, more like a good strong dose of mushrooms, maybe 4 g of cubensis. The carpet was moving in a dance of little round things (McKenna's bejewelled basketballs?) I had heard that these "beings" or "elves" (this is the closest I have been able to see of what others have described) are just a distraction. I expanded my awareness to see all the levels of pattern and difference. The floor got more and more intense and complex until there was just a pure white light where the floor was. When I blinked it was back to the dancing forms.

I experimented with eyes closed and had done so briefly the night before. I found that I preferred the eyes open phenomena, so subtle as they were superimposed on my world. Eyes closed I saw spirals of initiation and lasers and abstract imagery.

That night we treated ourselves to a fine dinner on the waterfront. Eating my succulent Alakan King Crab legs I suddenly tasted the DMT. This has happened for me with suddenly smelling 5MeO before, but not with taste. I thought that the taste must be the primordial life-taste of the sea... all life came from the promodial fog over the primoridial ocean.

ONE MORE DAY

The next day we met some friends in the city and went for a walk. Stopped by a couple of stores that continued the Asian feeling of the weekend. Saw the amazing likenesses of the abstract aspects of the gods as depicted by Tibetan Buddhists. I realized that the "Chrysanthemum" effect that has been described as an aspect of DMT is one which I had not been aware of during the experience but was now very obvious. Look at any Buddhist halo or background of a Boddhisattva and you'll know what I mean. It's that mathematical fractal pattern which plants call sex. All the multiple faces and arms of the Tibetan gods are straight from the DMT space.

I have now truly seen the Non-ordinary Reality of the Middle World superimposed onto Ordinary Reality.

Weird... more to come.... Spontaneous outpourings from the Darkest Recesses.