Bitten

A fine cubensis account

Substances: Psilocybe cubensis

I kept the candle alight for some time, and kept my eyes open also. I was feeling tired and didn't want to simply fall asleep as I had done recently. This was quite a struggle, my eyelids were heavy and drooping, but I managed to hold on until the effects had come on strong enough for me to think there was no chance of falling asleep.

The initial part of the trip was very confusing, and I had a lot of doubts. I was rash in taking some so soon after my last trip (1 week ago), and I was stupid to take them when what I really needed was some sleep. I was confused about what I wanted out of them, and why I was taking them, and I also worried that this might be alienating my wife, whose pregnant and so cannot partake. I thrashed about mentally in this confusion for some time, regretting taking the mushrooms and wishing the trip would stop. I tried to settle my mind on following my breathing, which helped a little. The visual activity was pretty minimal at this point, and after a while I wondered if I should light the candle and focus my attention on that to catalyse the effects, as I had done the previous week very succesfully. I did so, and as it was lit the flame was blown sideways momentarily, as if by a strong breeze, and I saw something like 'spirits' whiz away from the flame. This made me think I was doing the wrong thing so I blew the candle out, but it had disturbed my equilibrium and I found it hard to regain it.

I don't remember much of what happened next, lying in the darkness. I can remember my bodily position huddled under the duvet because of the contrast with later on. At some point however, and I don't remember when or how, the mushrooms 'lit the blue touchpaper of my soul'. I don't remember the transition, but I remember afterwards. I felt ignited, possessed by a fire demon. I sat up, stretched, grinned maniacally to myself, and wanted badly to raise hell. Anyone who came in at that moment would have seen a devil I'm certain. There were horns on my head and fire in my eyes. I felt so alive, and wanted to make people face the idiocy of their half lives. I would become urban guerilla, I thought of things I could do to wake the population of our crazy world from their somnambulance, and of things I could change in my life. I laughed and burnt with energy.

Some of my ideas then I managed to later write down:
A short poem entitled 'Bank'
"Get your greasy hands off my money".
I resolved to give them as little of my money as possible (once I've paid off
what I owe), if they haven't got my money they can't lend it to arms dealers,
chemical factories etc. etc.

A poster I could pin up around town to make people think,
"Paper's made of dead trees. Words are alive."
(I like the irony). We are destroying our forests to write things down, and by
writing things down we 'freeze' our language and prevent it from evolving into
the new forms it needs to take if we are to change the way we think as a culture
and stop trashing ourselves and the planet. Words are sparks thrown out from
the fires of our minds.

As a correlate to this I realised if I can't write things down on paper I need to develop my memory. Our memory is what we rely on to form patterns and understand the world. I'm sure some dead Greek philosopher said the act of creation was the same as remembering, and weren't their muses who inspired their poets the goddesses of memory (I'll have to look that one up).

Another irony I thought of was the ridiculousness of my employment situation, I work for a government funded organisation that seems to exist largely to move pieces of paper around, I pay taxes so I can have a job?! This world is insane.

I thought of solutions to my present less than satisfactory life situation, which mainly involved buggering off to somewhere hot, finding somewhere to live, growing our own food, picking fruit off trees, telling stories, and just surviving generally.

I gained some insight into the relationship between the Church and indigenous peoples who used these mushrooms, whether the conquistadors and the Native Americans or what I imagine happened here hundreds of years before that. In their zeal to bring law and order, and subjugate others to their will, something which induced such chaotic demons must have been absolutely terrifying. It was their fear of the unknown that led to such horrific and brutal massacres. But out of the chaos comes the urge to experiment, to explore new possibilities, to bring new order, to change. I suppose this is how mushrooms act as an evolutionary aid. They didn't help the survival of the Native Americans much though, but I suppose some survived and through them it was discovered in the West, so maybe they are aiding the survival of life? Anyway, I'm digressing.

The most profound part of the trip I can't really share with you. It was involved at last coming to an understanding of an aspect of my being which has troubled and haunted me for a long time. Up until now thinking about it always led me a hall of mirrors - very confusing. In my fired-up state I understood it all perfectly then, and it really is a tremendous relief to be rid of that spectre. For a while then I simply enjoyed the physical aspects of my being, the animal odours of my monkey body.

It really was blissful, but an explosive bliss, full of life and energy. I rolled around and growled with the cats, and apologised to them genuinely for having them neutered. I felt like I had been bathed in fire and reborn.The effects were starting to recede now. I tried to write down some of what happened, and gazed for a while at a replica of the Aztec calendar stone, which was fascinating. I was eagerly waiting for my wife to wake up as I wanted to tell her so much. She did, then we had a small argument as she pointed out some of the realities of our lives: we can't just pack up and see what happens as our second baby is due next year. That brought me back to earth resoundingly, but this was still one of the most intense, profound and satisfying trips I have had.

Whoa, that was quite a long one wasn't it?