Account #1

Substances: Ibogaine

1st day - 100mg (test dose #1)

I've taken my Ibogaine dose and went to bed, and stayed laying down. I felt nothing, until the medical staff arrived to do the 1 hour tests. I was surprised because in my mental measurements, I thought I had taken Ibogaine about 20 minutes earlier. When I stood up, I felt a little drowsiness, and it was difficult to walk in a straight line. I was feeling photophobia and every little noise seemed to be much louder than in reality. The sounds were very disturbing to me.

During the two hour testing, symptoms were worse. It was very difficult to walk in a straight line, and the room seemed to beat, like a heart. I felt very tired, and the only thing I wanted was to rest in bed. Each head movement seemed to make things worse.

When I stood up for the 3 hour test I felt that the symptoms were disappearing. I was very hungry and ate. After eating, I was a little nauseated. For the following hours I felt nothing, except for sensation that my mind images were richer in details than before, like a 3-D movie.

I ate with no nausea, slept very well, and awakened in very good condition.

2nd day - 25mg (test dose #2)

After this dose of Ibogaine I felt nothing different from my normal state.

3rd Day - 10mg/kg (experimental dose)

For the first two hours I felt a little different, like I had smoked marijuana. I was very calm and relaxed and all the tension of the beginning of the procedure was gone. The room seemed to be a little different and the colors around me sharper than normal. The lights and sounds were disturbing to me, like the first time. Suddenly, with my eyes closed I began to see images that appeared in screens, exactly like TV or cinema screens. These screens were appearing in small sizes and then they would get bigger as I focused my attention on them. Sometimes they appeared small and would then begin to grow, like I was walking in their direction, and sometimes they were going from left to right, in a continuous way.

The images on the screens were moving in slow motion and were very sharp and well defined. I saw trees moving with the wind, a man with bells in his hands, various landscapes with mountains and the sunset. At this time I was a little nauseated, and when the doctors asked me to stand up for some tests, I vomited. From all of the hundreds of images I saw this day, I recognized only two: the first, an image of myself as a child, static like a photo. This image began to approach me and get bigger, but something in the room happened and I opened my eyes, losing the image. The second image I recognized was one of some horses dancing in a circus. It was a TV show that I had seen two days before. The time seemed to go very quickly, because after about four hours (in my mind), they told me I had taken Ibogaine nine hours earlier! It was very difficult for me to speak in English or in Spanish. I was only able to speak in my native language. At this time the images started to appear at a slower rate and for another two hours I saw only screens with no images on them. About 10-11 hours after the beginning of the experiment they disappeared.

I ate very well and stayed awake all night long, falling asleep only about 7 AM, almost 24 hours after the medication had been administered. During the night I had some insights about my life and about the things I realized I was doing wrong. I stayed all the following day very tired, sleepy, but very happy and relaxed, in a way I never was before.

5th day - 20mg/kg (therapeutic dose)

The first 3 hours were similar to the last time; photophobia and a bad sensation with little noises. After that the images began to appear, in a slower rate than the other time. There were less images, but I was recognizing all of them as part of my childhood. I saw myself playing in my father's farm, riding a motorcycle, playing with a cousin, feeding a fish and other things. I saw some recent images, like one of my father, laughing in the living room of my house. This happened about a year ago. I understood that I had a happy childhood, and there was no one to blame for my addiction, only myself. I felt their love coming from my parents and relatives. I was feeling the same time distortion that I felt the other day, and after many hours I suddenly had an insight. It was that my mind and the universe were the same thing, and that all the people in the universe and all things in the universe are only one. I saw many mistakes I was doing in my life, so many attitudes I could not have, and this helped me to decide very strongly that I will never use Demerol again. Now I can see very clearly that I don't need Demerol to live my life. And I feel better if I don't use it. During the first 8 hours after taking the Ibogaine I vomited 4 or 5 times, always when I tried to move. I was able to sleep about 4 AM, and to eat only about 9 AM the following day. I awakened feeling weak, tired and drowsy. As the hours were going, I slept a lot and began to feel better and in the morning of the following day I was normal.

Differences in day-by-day life after the experience.

I returned to my normal life with absolutely no cravings, with better appetite than before, and highly self-confident. Now I can see differences in some aspects of my personality, things are changed. For example, I used to avoid driving at night, because it reminded me of a car accident I had years ago. Now I can drive anytime, day or night, without anxiety. I'm sure that this is caused by Ibogaine, because now I'm not the same very anxious person I was. I'm not as shy as I used to be, too. It's easier now to contradict people when I think they are wrong, and to make them know what I want and what I think. I used to accept all that other people said only to avoid a discussion, even when I was sure that my point of view was the correct one.

These are the main happenings in my Ibogaine experience and the main differences I can perceive in these few days.

Excerpted from a paper by Howard Lotsof
and reproduced here with the author's kind permission.