Identity Crisis

In intrapersonal cosmology

Substances: DMT

of course, none of this actually happened, to me or anyone else, but I thought it might make for some interesting fiction:

just tonite had my first major (to me) experience with DMT, and thought sharing it with you would help me remember it. (had taken 20 bees a couple hrs earlier)

put ~20mg in the pipe.Got a small hit, then it crept away from the heat, and I couldn't get more smoking. Got a small rush.waited ~45min. put another 20 mg in.by heating all around the bowl, got a HUGE hit.Held it in pretty long, and went for a second.Got some more into my lungs, but by this time it was hitting: hard and fast, but I felt really calm.

Eyes-open reality became completely altered, and for most of the rest of the time, I don't know if my eyes were open or shut. The last image from "normal reality" I was aware of was the smooth geometric curves of the glass pipe, covered with deep patterns and seen through some digital funhouse mirror, then my whole perception and consciousness were swept away.I quickly passed through a dense sea of meticulously alligned energy waves/patterns/conduits of lifeforce. In the middle of it all, there was a neat cubic "room" cut out, so it had a good cross section of the vibes.My sense of "I", if any remained at this point, was totally shattered as I watched/experienced my own birth,death, the birth of my daughter, and the birth of (I think it will be a boy) my son next August, simultaneously, then flitting back and forth between all these different but connected viewpoints.

After a while, my awareness turned back to my "real life" body, but I was still watching it from my cosmic control booth, more than actually "inhabiting" it. The pipe had drooped in my hand, and I was actually starting to drool!

The "observer" is like: "look at the body! It's actually drooling!" The meat puppet, like a drunk in the gutter, hears this, belches and sneeringly chortles (actually more of a B. and B. "heh,heh,heh...".).

Now, my awareness keeps shifting between all of these, but spending more and more time in "the here and now".

It starts to get kind of disconcerting, these irregular time slices- born into this world, slumping on the couch giggling,spreading my DNA to other separate but connected lifeforms, ....I start to get an identity crisis.

At this point, I opened my eyes, or at least kept them open for a longer time. I'm back in the room, and I've obviously left, and won't soon be returning to, that cosmic apex. I am, however, very tripping. Looking around the room, I am still way higher than the peaks of my previous, cautious, experiments.And I seem to stay that way for quite a while,stunned. After a while, I start to wonder, did these everyday surroundings always look so trippy?And, will they always stay like this? I started to get worried, like a Philip K. Dick story, ("the 3 stigmata of palmer eldritch" comes to mind), that I really did die when I was experiencing my own death, and am now in some kind of afterlife.Consider waking girlfriend ("please, tell me I'm alive, honey"), then decide I don't wan't to get into any existential mind games right now, so I wait it out.Eventually things settle down.

The content and tone of the whole trip really surprised me. There was no sense of anything "alien", no elves.Tho' I certainly accesssed different dimensions, they all seemed parts of me and "my" universe- in fact the whole thing seemed really personal. This is in keeping with my personal cosmology: everything's connected, we are all one, but it could well have just been this particular trip.