It is now 5pm Saturday, 24 January, 1998. I took the ibo on Friday night 8pm, taking 2g lots every 15 mins. After about an hour I could feel myself becomming very relaxed. The closest I can relate this feeling to would be on valium. My partner was with me and massaged my feet. Within about 20 mins, I began to feel shaky inside and decided to go an lie down in the bedroom. As I entered the bedroom which was dark I started towards my bed and suddenly I noticed something unusal, like it shouldn't be there and as I went to look I noticed it was - well the only way I could describe it was like a piece of silk cloth and it filling itself up with air and billowing up towards me. My first action was resistance but then not. I went to lie down on my bed and again these pieces of coloured and black and white silk

cloths were zooming around me in different shapes and sizes. Sliding along the walls, drifting gently down to my face, encompassing me and disappearing. Wow, it was really an amazing experience seeing these things appearing from nowhere. Figures of people and animals kept appearing. There was a wolf and a black leopard who looked me but I could sense that these were benign. They seemed to have no emotions, but real. It was as if I was viewing them but was also detached from any emotional reactions. I felt very at ease with the situation. This went on for about an hour and eventually peaked out. Throughout all this, I lay very very still. Movement didn't seem to be an option. I felt like I was seeing a different dimention, but not quite in it. Even though my eyes were closed I could see the room through them. I had to open and shut them a couple of times because it seemed so unnatural.

I got up to go to the toilet, still very wobbly and as I got up and moved the visions also came back. It was difficult to walk. As I hit the lighted room I became aware of extreme light flashes on both sides of my periferal vision and at the same time there appeared elongated magnesium flares travelling all around my body in a circular fashion. It was difficult to walk as it was distracting, but at the same time fascinating. This only happened in the light. As soon as I hit the dark room again, the change from light to dark brought on the patterns and visions.

I came back to bed and as I entered the dark room, the visions of patterns from silk came back. I lay down and then about a half hour later I became very nauseous. I tried to stop it but the nausea had a mind of its own and I vomited. This was the worst of the experience, as you know nausea it the pits! I was concerned because I thought I had lost it all in the bucket, so I asked my partner to bring me some more. He had made up 15gr of ibo. I had only taken about 8gr in the beginning. I then took another 6gr and not long after for a short time the silks came back - about a half hour and then again I had to vomit. The taste man, is so vile!!!! Even with honey. I have never tasted anything so bitter! It is the pits. I couldn't finish the last bit, I didn't want to look at it anymore and by that stage I was still very nauseous. The nausea continued for about a half hour and during this time my partner came was walking around the house. It was as if the ordinary sounds were very sensitive. They seemed louder and very distracting. You certainly need quiet surroundings as noise becomes hard to deal with.

My partner brought me some water and it tasted thick and different. Water and ibo don't go. It felt like after anasthesia when they don't give you water because you become nauseaus. The water didn't taste like water at all, rather thick and viscous. I only sipped it to get the taste out of ibo out of my mouth. I know understand why you can't get addicted to ibo. It is so bad. I also felt that rather than vomiting I was purging myself or it was purging something from me.

After about an hour the visions slowed down again and I focused myself on fear. I saw pictures of myself and my mother and how all her fears had been transferred to me. I remembered her then as a critical and judgemental personality and how I took it on myself. I was able to see both sides of the coin without detachment. Many situations came up addressing this, in my work, my friends, family. It was as if whatever I focused on I could see and the answers came back FROM ME. It was as if I was adressing myself and seeing myself outside myself on a very deep and knowing level. I saw the child within myself and took her in my arms and listened to her and saw her pain. I saw how I was hurting myself through my own lack of responsibility to myself and those around me and that fear was holding me back, fear of critisism. I also realised that I had also become a critical person and fear was holding me back from releasing these bonds.

I feel that ibogaine is a very profound herb. It certainly needs respect as it deals out respect. During this time I felt very loving and my partner came in and lay down with me for a while. It was a wonderful fulfilling experience. There was no sound I couldn't talk, sound was too disturbing. In that silence I felt very close and content, as if the bond between us had deepened. I noticed one of the silk patterns on the wall -it was black and white. I wanted to see what it was and when I looked closely it was a black african mask with a white background, but blending in a way I cannot describe.

My partner left and I drifted in and out of a sort of sleep. The effect of ibo when it is wearing off is not very nice. You kind of wish you could just go to sleep and you can't so you just yawn, and keep tossing and turning. I eventually woke up at 11am on Saturday had a craving for a cigarette. I was disappointed as I was hoping to have kicked the habit. During the ibo experience I often had pangs of nicotine that went away after a deep breath. But when the ibo wore off, the need was back. At this stage the visions had gone but I was still a little weak and light. I talked about the experience to my partner and explained that the experience was not to be concerned about. He said he wanted to try it and we discussed the situation. He decided to take it. He had made up the rest of the mixture 20gr as before.

He took it at 12noon on Saturday I lay down with him till 5pm as I was still feeling weak and tired from the experience. I then went promptly to the computer to put everything down in writing as I didn't want to forget. During this time I had some marijuana. Although ibo has been a profound experience, I do not think I would like to try it again for quite some time. I feel that I need to try again in the future, perhaps in a year with a larger dose. Now that I have been through it I know what to expect and I still want to kick my cigarette and marijuana habit. I don't feel the need for alcohol at this stage, which is a blessing and am having a cup of tea instead. Still this is only early days and I read somewhere that ibo keeps working for some time. I do feel different as if I have purged something in myself and in a better frame of mind - no anxiety and more relaxed and open within. I noticed when I turned the lights on in the house to make a cup of tea at 8:30pm that the magnesium filaments seemed to come back after being in the dark with my partner, but they don't bother me.
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