Updates to the FAQ

(Dammit, why are these disclaimers getting so fucking long? This is getting old really quick ... yeah I know the damn thing's overdue for update)

Believe me, there's plenty of things out there you probably do not want your kids viewing -- pornography, violence, drugs, do-it-yourself explosives, homemade fireworks, recipies for nerve gas, whatever. You can also find most of this in the library, if you spend a little time there.

In any case, I'm not going to raise your kids, nor am I going to take responsibility for them. I've tried to get across the idea that taking drugs is extremely dangerous especially if you are underage and not experienced with risk assessment; if there was something else I could do to keep kids (and thus neurotic parents) out of my hair, I would do it.

People give you a lot of reasons why you shouldn't do drugs. Most of them are complete bullshit. Let me give you some real reasons why you shouldn't do drugs.

• Getting busted is no fun. If you think adults don't notice when you're high, you're fooling yourself. Chances are some of those adults were doing drugs you've never heard of yet, back before you were even born. And if you think that school is boring, try rehab.
• The brain continues developing until adolescence is finished, and until that time, it's still susceptible to being dorked with permanently by drugs which can affect neurological development (such as DXM).
• Even if you do want to do nothing but get high all your life (and I don't recommend that as a career path), drugs cost money, and that means getting a better job than Burger World. The best thing you can do in school is survive and make it to college where you'll actually learn something instead of being stuck with a bunch of bureaucrats and sheep in a nightmare that would have Kafka screaming for his mommy.
• Believe me, the Real World tends to suck ass. The better you do in college (which means doing well in school), the less ass it's going to suck. You've got a few years left where you can be creative and intense and have fun. Enjoy those years, they're going to matter a hell of a lot more when you get older.
• It's a hell of a lot easier to have a healthy relationship with drugs if you wait until you're old enough to handle it. How old is that? Well, if you are positively, absolutely convinced that you're old enough, you probably aren't. The older you are, the better you can handle freakouts without turning into a rabid, foaming-at-the-mouth anti-drug zombie.
• DXM doesn't start to get interesting until you reach a certain age anyway (it has to do with differential responding of the temporal lobes, that's why they use ketamine in kids a lot more often than adults).
• Finally, last but certainly not least, I don't want to put up with your parents if you fuck up. DXM is a very difficult drug to use, it requires a lot of planning and understanding of complicated issues. Now there are drugs which are relatively safe (as in, you can't hurt yourself physically or overdose, *any* drug can hurt you psychologically), unfortunately most of them (e.g., marijuana and LSD) are illegal. DXM is not one of these drugs, which is why I felt the need to write a three-hundred-page manual on it. Please help me to keep educating people about DXM by making my life a little easier; wait until you're old enough to be responsible for your own fuckups.

Remember, there are no guarantees, no second chances, and no "I shoulda known better"s with drug use. It's up to you to take responsibility for your own actions, and accept your own fuckups and learn from them.

I just got a nice, friendly (yes I'm kidding) letter from someone who bitched because some kids found about DXM on some website (he didn't say which, nice of him that way), took some Coricidin, and ended up in critical because of anticholinergic toxicity. This isn't common, but it's common enough (individual susceptibility can vary a lot, and you're basically rolling the dice every time you take the stuff). As few as FIVE Coricidin tablets have sent people to the hospital. Large doses of anticholinergics can cause heart failure, strokes, brain damage, seizures, and other nasty things. This is one of those cases where you really, really should "just say no".

DO NOT USE CORICIDIN! If you do, well, first off, I told you not to, and second, please be so kind as to leave a note, or tattoo on your forehead saying Yes I know this is dangerous, I'm doing this of my own volition, don't blame anyone else if I fuck up

While we're at it, let's disclaim some more things here. First off kiddies, you're not allowed in here anymore. Sorry, but you're just going to have to learn all your drug stuff from DARE and whispers and rumors and the kid in your class who's been sniffing glue for the past couple years and now has an IQ smaller than his shoe size and that "News of the Bizarre" clip about people huffing cow shit for the methane high.

And as for you adults, for my peace of mind, would you please be so kind as to have a sober sitter present who can A) drag your ass off to the hospital if need be and B) explain to everyone that yes, y'all really did know you were placing your sanity, health, and possibly your life at risk and did it anyway? I mean, I know this is America where we like to blame everyone else for our own fuckups, but that sort of stupidity ends when you decide to take recreational drugs. You fuck up, you got nobody to blame but yourself. If you can't handle that concept, go the fuck away.

Are you listening to me? This means you!

I strongly suspect the days of freely available DXM are limited.