email: crzkieri@nym.lycaeum.org
substances: 5 MeO DMT

report: Ahh, yes... where to begin.  As I inhale I suppose... intake an
unknown (but rather large) quantity of the most powerful stuff on earth.
Get ready for a wild ride...

THE PEAK

About 5-10 seconds after inhaling I began going "up" at a frightening 
pace.  I felt as if my consciousness were expanding infinitely in all 
directions.  I remeber hearing a deafening roar in my ears, as if I 
were standing at the bottom of the Waterfall at the end of the Universe 
and the torrents of consciousness were pouring into my bared soul.  Or 
maybe it was just my own voice "wailing" or the torrentous onslaught of 
realizations and information which could barely be experienced much less 
grasped before I was taken to the next level and the next and the 
next...

The experience was at the same time frighteningly powerful as all of my 
boundaries dissolved almost instantaneously,  and yet a sense of pure 
ecstasy 
and rapture colored the experience strangely pleasant.  "Ahh, this is 
what It's all about" I thought briefly.  My perception erupted in fire 
and finally exploded into an infinite space of white light completely 
outside of time.  

Apparently I was in this state for some time unaware of whether my eyes 
were open or closed or even whether I had eyes or whether it mattered 
since all my senses were one huge input device with no filters.  I was 
told that I wailed and convulsed a bit then ran around aimlessly for 
about 10-15 minutes, sometimes with eyes open, sometimes closed.  I have 
no memory of this period other than what was described above.  It seemed 
like both an Instant and an Eternity.

REINTEGRATION

My next memory is of being "thrown" back into my body and my hologram of 
a life which is "me" and uttering "I don't understand... I don't 
understand."  My sitters comforted me with sighs of "It's OK, you don't 
have to understand" and breaths of "Calm down."  I eventually regained 
my composure though it was extremely bizarre that all of my companions 
comments echoed in my head and made no logical sense (since the 
structure of logic had been blown away).  The tone of their breathy 
voices was soothing and centering and I came back partially.

I remember seeing my lover's face in a series of frames or flashes which 
blurred into each other and echoed and buzzed with a pulsating 
intensity.  When I came "back" to my ego still in an expanded state I 
had to accept the fact that there were two copies of each of my 
companions in the room.  At first I thought this was truly bizarre, but 
then I figured everyone else must see this too so I went with it.  I had 
a strange sense that we had "found" each other and that only in the 
right company in the right state of mind could we see our doubles.  It 
didn't occur to me that they might not see this or that I might have a 
double myself.  Each of the entities or copies could be interacted with 
independently and the bodies were totally in focus as if I was seeing a 
separate image out of each eye.  The images were about a foot apart and 
moved as if they were one but seemed distinctly different, maybe an echo 
in a dimension slightly skewed or something.  

I felt a distinct and intense vibration of love and ecstasy and I 
proceeded to hug each of my companions, more eager for life and knowing 
completely that I was on the right path, in the right place, with the 
right people. 

THE DRUMS

At this point I was simultaneously experiencing an expanded awareness 
yet 
a complete connection with my ego.  I knew where I was, who I was, and 
why I was that state of Mind.  Then my host put on a 30 minute shamanic 
drumming tape and we meditated to it with eyes closed.  I saw the most 
amazing dynamic fractals, mandalas, spirals and kaleidoscopic colors of 
my life.  They seemed qualitatively different than other visuals I had 
experienced in that they all had a center into which the patterns were 
swirling and morphing.  I saw the million eyes of God in the diamond 
dome which is so brilliantly depicted by the painter Alex Grey in his painting "Dying."

I was inspired to whistle like the birds and hum as if on my djeridoo.  
I felt like I was receiving the song directly, much as ayahuasqueros 
receive healing icaros or peyoteros receive peyote songs.  I tried 
performing impromptu yoga and found to my amazement that I could assume 
a contortionist posture which I could not imagine possible.  When I did 
this I heard "oohhs" and "aahhs" from my companions in the room who all 
had eyes closed.  It seemed as if I had generated a surge in the energy 
field using that posture which could be felt by others in the room.  I 
experimented with visualizing energy being drawn into one hand and out 
the other in concert with my breathing.  

At the end of the tape I still felt altered although as it drew to a 
close I made a conscious decision to end the trip and reintegrate 
completely.  The whole experience had lasted 45 minutes to an hour.  I 
still felt extremely energized upon opening my eyes as the lights were 
turned on.  My body vibrated with an energy which I had never known at 
this intensity.  My companions all asserted that they had all felt a 
tremendous amount of energy for the duration of the experiment.  3 of 
them had taken a bit of L.S.D. a couple of hours previous and 1 of the 
same had joined me in the 5 MeO experience with a much smaller dose just 
after mine.  My last companion had merely had some Maria.  All, however, 
indicated that it had been a profoundly powerful experience, which I 
echoed wholeheartedly.

THE NEXT DAY

The following day I attended my monthly men's sweatlodge ceremony which 
is performed in the Lakota way.  Between the first and second rounds of 
bringing in stones, I felt a deep cleansing and decided to ask for 
visions.  I pressed my lids to my eyeballs and my vision faded into 
black and white static.  When I removed my hands I saw the typical 
glowing purple and green/yellow balls which I see during meditation.  
The glows flowed into each other rapidly, the green glow finally 
winning.  At the center of the green glow emerged a woman's face which I 
had seen before... Salvia D.  Shortly afterwards I saw again the many 
eyes of "God" and the delicate shimmering wing of the "2 CB fairy."  
There is no doubt that one cannot go back after DMT.  It changes one 
forever.  I don't regret it for a second.  Life becomes weirder and 
weirder.